


i can’t sleep until i feel your touch

by sparklingmini



Series: blinding lights [2]
Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, allen tries to take serim after finding this out, allen’s friends are trying to contact him again, but shit goes down before then, chan and felix show up as allen’s australian friends who are bfs, i’m an angsty teen sorry not sorry, they’re in australia because i said so and because i’m australian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28133106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingmini/pseuds/sparklingmini
Summary: it’s been six months.
Relationships: Allen Ma/Park Serim
Series: blinding lights [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2060985
Kudos: 11





	i can’t sleep until i feel your touch

**Author's Note:**

> ayo, look at me go. never really expected for this to become a series, but i always say that about the cravity stuff i write and it always becomes longer than expected. i’ve had the shittiest day today, so i decided making a continuation serillen au will cure my sadness. i really like blinding lights au serim and allen anyway. it’s 4am, maybe i will come back to this in the morning.
> 
> title from: blinding lights - the weeknd

it’s been six months.

six months since serim met allen and decided that maybe it was time to make a new friend and continue his lonely journey that may not be so lonely with allen around.

and he was right. with allen around, it was never short of boring. they travelled just about everywhere with each other. as soon as allen asked serim that fateful question, the next day they were out of america and on their way to japan.

currently they’re somewhere in australia, after just visiting new zealand. they spent three months in japan, then three months in new zealand, so serim can only assume that they will be in australia for three months as well.

serim’s head just runs blank now. he’s not really living off of much, and neither is allen.

it’s been a real treat taking on this journey with allen though, and if serim could go back in time, he would never change his decisions. leaving his home, despite how scary it was at first, is probably the best decision he could have made.

allen has made this journey much funner as well. there hasn’t been a moment where serim hasn’t enjoyed allen’s company, and serim hopes allen feels the same way.

but serim still makes his way back to ‘blinding lights’ every time he feels terribly lonesome, and, as much as serim hates to admit it, it happens a lot more than what allen already knows about.

there’s a lot that runs through serim’s head of a night, and some of those thoughts are even worse than what he felt back home. he guesses that you can never really escape the horrors of your past, no matter how far away you feel, the toxicity will still burn your mind and rid you of your happy thoughts. why is serim surprised though? his family was always so toxic, burning into him ”morals” that weren’t even proper morals, burning into him (more like beating into him), ways that he should live, even if they shouldn’t have had that say in the first place.

serim wouldn’t call living with allen toxic at all though, he blames his family members for engraving terrible world views into his mind. allen is a delight to be around. serim could stare at allen all day and he still wouldn’t be tired of the younger.

this bring serim to one of his greatest dilemmas of his life. for so long, back at home, in his own family. being gay, or apart of the lgbt+ community, was considered disgusting, he constantly got that beaten into his skull, as if he hadn’t heard it the first few times. he had to constantly hide the fact that one of his friends was gay and the other one was aromantic and sexually attracted to men.

there was a lot of things that serim would consider stress inducing, but that has to be one of the worst things ever. being told that it’s unnatural to  _ love _ is enough to throw serim for a loop and never consider if he might be a part of that community too, always considering himself straight, so he wouldn’t get beaten or verbally abused by his parents.

it doesn’t matter now, serim should be allowed to freely experiment on his sexuality, but there’s that tiny little voice that’s stopping serim, telling him that if he were to, his parents would find him and beat the shit out of him. it’s not possible though, shouldn’t be.

“‘blinding lights’?” serim gets a good startle as allen sits next to him on the roof of allen’s friends’ house.

when they first got to australia, allen had two friends waiting for them. chan and felix. a lovely couple who welcomed serim and allen with open arms. they’re the reason serim started to really question his own sexuality. seeing chan and felix be cute boyfriends with each other really managed to amplify the cute allen thoughts that had been very vague in the beginning.

“yeah.” serim says blankly, not wanting to reveal his inner thoughts too much, because what if allen’s homophobic?  _ wait, that doesn’t sound right, _ serim thinks to himself,  _ his best friends are literally gay. men loving men. _

“penny for your thoughts?”

“we don’t need pennies in australia, allen.”

allen chuckles, that sweet voice melting through serim’s bones like it’s ice-cream on a hot summer's day. “i know that selm,”  _ selm,  _ it’s a cute nickname allen gave serim, serim giving allen the nickname ‘leon’ when allen asked for one back. “it’s just an expression, you know this, so i’m starting to think you’re trying to dodge the question.”

“that’s silly leon, but i’m fine, really.”

allen gives him a raised eyebrow but doesn’t say anything, opting to look back up at the stars that litter the sky.

“well, i’ll give you my thoughts for a penny,” serim looks at allen wide-eyed, but allen just chuckles, not looking away from the sky. “it’s fine, slem, i want to do this.”

it’s enough confirmation, but serim would still rather not have allen force his thoughts out. allen goes on though, and serim opts to sit in silence, looking out at the sky again.

“my friends are trying to contact me again,”  _ oh. _ “felix and chan told me a few days ago. ever since i left home, my friends have been in contact with chan and felix, getting ”updates” from them. i checked their messages tonight when they fell asleep. they haven’t said anything about me being here, or that you have joined me yet. i half don’t expect them to keep this secret for long, so i’ve already booked us tickets out of here next month.

“i’m not going to tell them where we’re going, as much as i love them, i can’t have anyone knowing our location. this has been wonderful serim, getting to escape with you, and learning about how fucked up both of our homes were. it brought us together and i can’t express how grateful i am towards you. i dreamed about this for so long, escaping. my home was fucked up and toxic, this is a dream come true, and i got to experience this with you.

“i’ve learnt a lot about myself from this adventure as well, it’s brung me through a big self-discovery and i would have never felt this way if it wasn’t for you. serim, i think i’m in love with you.”

serim turns to allen with wide-eyes again.  _ no, not this,  _ fuck, _ not this, please, not now allen. _ he begs in his mind, like allen is a mind reader and can read his panicked thoughts right now.

“i—” serim can’t speak, eyes clamping back up, panic rising through his system like steam on a hot dish. “i-i’m sorry allen, i-i do-don’t know—”

“oh, uhm.” it seems as though allen has hit a brick wall too.

both of them are fucked up from their experiences and their childhood, maybe allen managed to control how he felt quicker than serim, but serim still can’t shake the feeling of his parents looming over his shoulder, telling him that if he were to get with this boy, or even acknowledge that he has feelings for a guy, they’d come and beat the shit out of him.

“i’m sorry, allen.”

he gets up quickly and enters chan and felix’s house with a clutter, quickly throwing all of his things into his bag that he first took on this adventure. he can still hear ‘blinding lights’ playing softly from his phone, as if it’s taunting him, but he can’t turn it off, doesn’t have the heart.

before he can leave through the front door, allen grabs onto his arm.

“why?” he asks, voice cracking.

“i-i’m sorry allen, all of this was stupid in the first place. i can’t do this anymore.”

‘blinding lights’ was playing the first time serim and allen met, and ‘blinding lights’ was playing the last time serim ever saw allen.

**Author's Note:**

> there will probably be more parts, sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger


End file.
